Those light strokes of your lover caressing your cheek, shifting to your other side and waking up to the sight of the love of your life, cuddling on the couch, feeling your heart skip a beat, taking a stroll down the beach with your hands clenched together and gazing at the fading sunset, having a shoulder to cry on, embracing yourself into each other’s arms and feeling the comfort of their warmth, these are all the things that you think only happen in movies and novels. The thought of this just pumps adrenaline through your veins and stretches an enormous smile on your face. Little do you know that you can actually have that with anyone you choose to love?
The Hollywood blockbuster 50 shades darker, which was a sequel of another booming movie 50 shades darker, hit the theatres on valentine’s day and has warmed the hearts of many young and adult love-seekers for achieving the complicated but equally enchanting love story channeled by Christian Grey, a handsome business tycoon starred by Jamie Dornan, and Anastasia Steel, a petite college graduator starred by Dakota Johnsons.
Fifty shades of Grey might have been intense and stimulating raging arguments and debates regarding its specific content but the fact that many young lovers rushed to the cinemas at Valentine’s Day to cherish their love and enjoy a movie, that was probably a change in the palette for many romantic movie watchers but had jaw dropping moments that made everyone’s adrenaline rush, is undeniable.
But what many people question is that, can a love story this novel and complicated, but equally passionate exist between regular couples in real life?
The love story of Christian and Anna took quite a turn at the end of 50 Shades of Grey when Anna decides to leave him, but the sequel shows that Christian’s skeptical love for Anna proves true passionate love for her, the kind of love that inclines him to leave the things he loves just to win Anna’s heart. That excitement and that myriad of feelings that one experiences during those snuggles, sharing your memories, and experiencing different adventures is overwhelming and everyone desires to live those moments in their youth.
Nowadays the relationships in which many teenagers and young couples tend to commit in are not serious. People tend to run away from serious commitments and responsibilities, not knowing that the other person might be expecting or looking forward to something serious. As the general mindset proves, in high school, teenagers tend to look forward to impractical relationships so that they have a person to hang out with and call them their girlfriend or boyfriend because in high school, teenagers have not reached that level of maturity to know the true meaning of love and the depth of its dimension, nor do they want to take-up any responsibility of commitment because they want to live their youth to the fullest and when it comes to getting serious in a relationships, marriage is always a consideration and high school levels does not allow couples to think like that.
In contrast, there is a small number of teenagers that have a different perspective of dating and often end up marrying the same person they dated during high school. These are often exception that are do not go with the ‘cliché’ of teenage priorities.
Along with casual dating, there are many ‘young adults’ as well as teenagers that have been making use of a relationship term ‘friends with benefits’. This is not really a relationship but it involves friends interacting at the sexual level of intimacy while blocking all doors for emotion or love. Now there have been many movies made about this like “friends with benefits”, “no strings attached” and not surprisingly “Fifty shades of Grey”. These movies might have different scenarios in which bring about an interaction between the main roles and eventually using each other for benefits, but the plot twist of all such movies involves the main roles skeptically and unwittingly falling in love with each other.
Now, not everything that a movie portrays is a contrary of the reality. It would be fair to say that young adults that often tend to take dating not seriously can end up feeling emotions for each other. Oops! Looks like the doors to the heart weren’t fully closed, huh! This has happened in case of many couples, because it is human nature to cling onto affection and when you are in constant contact with someone, then you eventually start liking some of their gestures, and then all of a sudden you end up falling for them.
This might not be the case with teenagers but many young adults from the age of 20 to 30 have been experiencing such life changing phases. One reason for that is because many people think that at this age they are mature enough to take up the responsibility of a marriage and commitment which is why they might be in search for that ‘one’ person that they want to spend their life with. Which is why it being indeed possible for many young adults to find the kind of love just like that of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel. Many people start with the concept of one night stands or a casual fling or if a perspective friends with benefits, it being the trend in many countries like the USA and UK, and if they connect with the other on the basis of something, they might end up falling in love and marrying which is going to happen in Fifty Shades series.
Although some movies might seem far from reality, they do target the events taking place in real life, hence the purpose of media, which is why any big fan of Fifty Shades should keep their hopes high up, because they might end up getting their own mesmerizing love story with the person they want to spend their whole life with.
Once again, Valentine's Day has come, and for some of us it can be dreaded because we are single either by choice or luck. However, love does not have to only come from someone to be wonderful, it can come from within you. It is about falling in love with yourself and then you open the door to share that love with someone who will appreciate that love instead of finding someone who just fills in your deficits. It is not about having an inflated ego or being selfish but embracing your own beauty and life.
Sometimes when Valentine's Day, we want to find someone who share it with just to fill in a void that is not there for the moment. However, if that void is within you then that void is not going to be fulfilled and you will feel empty at the end of it all. It is also important to embrace this self love all the time as well and even with our busy schedules and lifestyle it really does not take much to show self love.
If you are looking for something to do this Valentine's Day, but you don't have someone to share it with then here are a few ideas just for you.
At the end of it all, Valentine's Day should not be the only day that you show love to yourself and others. Love should be embraced everyday, even with the smallest gestures. Don't forget love shines more when it comes from the heart.
Many of us, have gone through a break up, and had that rebound period of sadness, and loneliness because you feel like a failure. You did everything and gave all your energy and it just was not enough. You can take this as a lesson to move on and let it make you grow as a new person and this will give you a better outcome with dealing with the hurt. Here is a great video that helps you think positively about road to take after a break up and making it a positive experience.
When you meet someone, men or women, everything in the beginning is a beautiful painting, and you don't see the red flags or maybe there are some. You try to give them the benefit of doubt that you can trust them with your feelings and time. It can be deceiving to find out that the whole time it was a lie and fake. It can be very painful because I have been there many times and even recently. You can give your all and they can lie to your face and make you look like the bad guy at the end. Here is a video that will help understand that guy that just is not right for you. It is not you that has the problem because you did everything that you were suppose to. You may have sense something, but you wanted to be wrong because he sweet talked you. The lesson learned is that you need to not let it kill your spirit and destroy you because you still are a good person. You just have to find the one that gives you the love you have in return.
When you are in a relationship with someone who is a narcissist, you sometimes don't realize the truth of the situation until you do something to make them angry. Yes, they may love you, but the idea of you. Yes, they fed you lies that only painted a beautiful picture, but it was never real. In the end, you are the villain to them and nothing will be there fault because they only care about what they can get out of you. Here is a video that talks about how to deal with a narcissistic person.
We all have that one person that we reference to when it comes to how we treat our relationships and that person broke our heart because they played us like a fiddle. What do you do because the next one gets the repercussions, and it is sad but true? That one person that you use to drop everything for and all you wanted was to be the light in their darkness because they were the light in your darkness. How do you move on without letting them destroy your future relationships? When it comes to love, it’s not always rainbow and butterflies, because sometimes it is a battlefield. They are the ones that treated you like a doormat, and wanted to see what they could get out of you before they threw you away. Do you sit and watch karma do its dirty work or do you move on not let it consume you because you just want to be happy again?
Let there be a lesson in all of the madness, because that person broke your heart but they did not break your spirit. You did all you could because you gave them pure love and they punished you for the same mistakes you are punishing your current relationship for. They were once hurt by someone and they only know how to hurt and need more healing than ever to show them that love can be good. Don’t let the skeletons of your past relationships ruin your future ones because you are afraid of history repeating itself. It is not saying that you need to be close minded and cold. You need to understand, you gave it your all and there may be feelings that still linger because you had the connection, but it was repeated to you that they did not feel the same or were not that into you. What you need to do is remember that you are stronger and the right love with come along that will show you that you are not a puppet, a doormat or a booty call. Even if that person did not know what they were feeling and took you for granted, just let it consume them to know that you did not let them take over your soul.
Here is my advice, no matter how many times they show up in your life because they always come back when they realize what you really mean to them, it is always too late. You won’t let them manipulate you, control you or use you. However, do not punish your current love for their mistakes, but also try to set different standards so that you are stronger. You don’t have to turn a blind eye because no relationship is perfect, but don't include the issues of your past relationship with your current relationships unless the current one turns out to be a similar jerkoff. It is best to treat each new relationship like it is fresh and new and they will show you what real love feels like and they do the opposite of what the other did not attempt to do. You weigh your pros and cons, if they come back and see that maybe they were not worth all the tears back then. You will find the love that will give you hope, dreams, and show you a love worth writing about.
When it comes to dating, being a girl is tough because you have many double standards and some people are stuck in their ways. You are a strong independent woman, who thrives to get the job done, and let no one take you for granted. You don't need the man, but you want the man. Some men will tell you that they don't know how to handle you and that is ok because that just means you need to find someone who will take up the challenge. Here is some advice for men about how to handle a Alpha Female and make her yours.
We have all been through a break up, whether it was mutual or if it ended bad, it can take a toll on us emotionally and physically. I can say I had a few and each was different, but at the end dealing with each break up was the same because I wanted to be happy again. Here is a video, there shows the science behind the break up and make it a little bit easier to understand how it really affects us and what to do to make it better.
Old Fashioned Values in Dating
Many times lately, I have heard that we need to go back to the “good ole’ days”. While technology has definitely made our lives easier, many agree that the old-fashioned values need to return in this disposable dating society.
The entire dating process has changed with the inclusion of technology. Social networking, speed dating, texting, or similar technological inventions have taken away the personal touch of dating. With most people possessing at least 3 different kinds of electronic mobile devices, the ammoniums “ding” and the subsequent seeking a peek at your device can really put a damper on what might have been a great date. It may also ruin chances for a future date. A real wink can send shivers down your spine while an emoticon just sits on the screen.
Romance has fallen by the wayside and the dating rules seem to change daily. Scarlet O’Hara, the heroine in the book and movie Gone with the Wind, seemed like the first woman to be torn between what society expected of her and the real feelings that she tried to hide. Even Scarlet herself would be appalled of the forwardness in today’s dating game.
There are many sayings from an era when women were taught to play hard to get and to waiting until the wedding. I don’t know if we should go that far, but there is something to be said for not putting it all out there on a first date or a first meeting. Relationships take time and time is something that people today have difficulty maintaining.
We have planners, calendars, computer programs and more to schedule every minute of every day. What happened to spontaneity? What happened to sitting around and talking and getting to know one another and not proving that one can be as dominant as the other?
Chivalry can work both ways. Being devoted to the relationship and the person is not old fashioned. It just seems harder in today’s society to move at a slower pace. Spend time courting, talking, learning about each other. Take time to meet the families. Find out the important things about each other before you move in together. The things that seem archaic; flowers, chocolate, holding doors open, are things that some women crave. Men often want to display this type of affection but are afraid of the woman’s reaction.
You can have the courage to be different, be mysterious, be yourself. You may be surprised that sticking to your old fashioned values and beliefs will gain you respect, and if it doesn’t, maybe that he wasn’t the right one for you. Stand your ground and make it clear that you are not a “loosey, goosey”. You can be a modern woman but still hold onto your beliefs.
If the guy is willing to “wait” for you and get to know you first before moving on, he is probably worth the wait. Find someone who admires you for your old fashioned values, not someone who tries to change you.
Sometimes after so many heartbreaks, we get intimidated with allowing love to enter our lives and showing us what a fairytale it can be. It is a scary situation because sometimes the heart can take so much before you realize that maybe love is just not for you. Like they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, before you can get your prince or princess and it can be challenging because you hope that this one will be the right one. However, it is important to not allow them to be punished for the past mistakes that someone else made because you are wary of what might happen.